


Wiki-what?!

by KayCeeCruz



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 20:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Ted stared at the computer screen, reading and then re-reading the three little words. This was so not happening to him. Maybe if he closed his eyes, counted to ten, when he opened them again, those three little words would have disappeared. He forced them to do that, counted</i> slowly, <i>and ventured a look.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Wiki-what?!

**Author's Note:**

> Silly piece of humor and some fluff.
> 
> Original Date: October 2007

“Oh shit. Shit! Shit! Shit!“

Ted stared at the computer screen, reading and then re-reading the three little words. This was so not happening to him. Maybe if he closed his eyes, counted to ten, when he opened them again, those three little words would have disappeared. He forced them to do that, counted _slowly_ , and ventured a look.

Fuck. They were still there.

He buzzed Cynthia, eyes suspiciously watching the door as he did. She picked up immediately. “Lunch isn’t for another hour, Ted.”

“Screw lunch. I need you now.”

“Why, Mr. Schmidt…”

“Cyn!”

“Okay! Okay! Keep your Prada’s on. But your ass better be on fire when I get there.” The line went dead and, in less than a minute, he heard the click of her heels on the marble floors outside his office. Blond hair swinging loose, she entered, glaring at him. “No fire. What the fuck gives, Ted?”

He motioned to her and she came around to stand behind his desk, glanced at him like he was crazy, and leaned down to look at his screen. “What am I - oh.” Her face paled a little. “Oh. That’s not good.”

“See?!” Ted’s head hit the wood of his desk, making a loud thud sound. “Things are going so well. Why?”

Cynthia put a hand on his shoulder. “Okay, take it easy. Don’t go all Liz on me.” Her perfectly manicured fingers tapped against the desk while she thought. “Maybe it’s not so bad. I mean, you know, he might be okay with it.”

Ted raised his head, mouth open as he looked at her.

“Right. Not very likely.” She glanced at the screen again. “How the hell did you find that?”

“I Googled him.”

“Why?”

“I was bored,” Ted shrugged. “And Emmett told me it was the thing to do. You know… Google yourself, friends, whatever. I figured there would have to be a lot of shit on him.” He backspaced and showed Cynthia the results. “It’s kind of impressive, but that was the first one… apparently, the most popular link or whatever.” His eyes begged her to help. “What the hell do we do?”

“We?”

“Oh, come on, Cyn.” Ted grabbed her sleeve. “You can’t leave me to deal with it.”

“ _I_ didn’t find it.”

Ted smiled pathetically. “Maybe I won’t have to. He might not need to know, you know.” He nodded, now lost in his own brilliant thought. “Yeah. He doesn’t have to know.”

Cynthia crossed her arms, rolling her eyes. “Ted, when was the last time _he_ didn’t know everything?”

Silence.

“Exactly.” She sighed as she stared at the page flickering on the screen. “It’s best we tell him.”

“But how?”

“No fucking clue.” Cynthia’s face lit up. “Emmett! He deals with upset people, you know. Has to give bad news sometimes.”

“Yes! Em!” Ted picked up the phone. “Have I told you what a genius you are, Cynthia?”

“Not today.”

Ted dialed the familiar number, pushing the speaker button so Cynthia could hear as well. They waited for Emmett’s voice, listening to the newest song that played for his ring.

“Is that a Britney Spears song?”

Ted closed his eyes and shook his head. “I have no idea.”

“Good afternoon! Thank you for calling _Perfectly Planned by Emmett_. How may I direct your call?”

“Molly?” Ted asked, his voice cracking slightly.

There was a slight pause, and - in a less cheerful voice - came the response. “Yes?”

“It’s Ted.”

“Oh! Hey, Teddy! What’s up?”

“Is Emmett there?”

“He’s in a meeting right now. Is everything okay?” Molly’s worried tone calmed Ted down. He wasn’t about to give them all heart attacks.

“Everything’s fine, Mol. Could you ask him to come by the office as soon as he can today?”

“Sure thing.” Another slight pause and Ted felt bad for causing the anxiety he was. “Ted, are you sure -?”

“I am. I promise.”

“Okay, then. I’ll give him your message.”

“Thanks, Molly. Sorry about that.”

“S’ok. It wouldn’t be a day if one of you didn’t queen out about something.” Her laugh cut off as she hung up.

 

Less than two hours later, Emmett stood shell-shocked in Ted’s office, staring at the same screen. His hand covered his mouth as he looked between Ted and Cynthia. “Well, fuck.” He glanced at Michael, whose face looked more than just a bit green.

He had no words, really.

“Any ideas how to break it to him?” Cynthia pointed to the screen. “He’s not exactly going to be, you know, thrilled.”

Michael shook his head. No, he was not.

Ted stood up from his seat and Emmett took it, his fingers working over the keys. “Maybe we can change it or something.”

“Nope. Tried that.”

Michael spoke up. “I think that, um, someone should tell Justin.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Because he’s going to get the brunt of it, isn’t he?” Michael sighed. It had all been so good. Justin had been back from New York for a year, after finding moderate success and deciding he could build on that from the Pitts. They’d managed to get _Rage_ picked up by a mainstream comic publisher. And, for the first time in a long time, Justin and Brian seemed to be content. Michael shook his head. He would not be happy about this.

Cynthia nodded. “Michael’s right.”

“Fuck!” Emmett exclaimed, eyes bugging out. “Guys, um, I think we have a bigger problem.”

They gathered around the computer, eyes growing wide at the headline that appeared onscreen. “Well, shit.”

“It says here the article will be printed in the next _Advocate_.” Emmett glanced up at them. “We’ve got to tell him _now_.”

Michael took out his cell phone. “I’ll call Justin and tell him to come over now. I’ll meet you guys in Brian’s office.”

Ted felt like crying. “These are the days that make me wish I still worked at Worcshafter.”

“Teddy! Don’t say that! Come on. It’s not _that_ bad.” Emmett smiled encouraging as they trotted down the hall… the other two acting as if they were headed to their death. “Guys, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

They grunted as they moved ahead of him, and Emmett sighed, rolling his eyes.

Some people could be such fucking queens.

 

Emmett, Ted, and Cynthia sat on the couch, their gazes focused on a standing Michael, who - being the best friend - had opted to do the dirty work. They could feel Brian’s confused and slightly pissed off look aimed at them.

“What the fuck is all this?”

“Brian, we want you to know that we’re here for you, okay?”

“For Christ’s sake, Michael, you’re going to give him an ulcer,” Cynthia hissed.

Brian began to look worried. “Michael, what the hell are you talking about? Is something…” He seemed to pale a little. “Is something wrong with Justin?”

“NO!” they all yelled in unison.

Michael shook his head. “No. Nothing like that.” He glanced at the others, not sure where to begin. “Well, it seems that, um… crap.”

Emmett sighed loudly and got up, walking over to Brian’s desk. He opened the IE window on his computer, typed in the address and stood back, motioning for Brian to take a look.

The other man walked to him cautiously, searching his face, and then bent over the desk, eyes focusing on the screen. He looked up at him with a puzzled expression. “Wiki-what?”

Emmett shook his head. “It’s like an encyclopedia online, but that’s not important. Take a close look at the page.”

Brian read quietly for a few moments. “This is about me?”

“A lot of well-known people have one… Just keep reading.”

Brian shook his head but did as Emmett asked. It didn’t take long before he got to it. His face froze and he re-read three times before speaking. “Common-law _what_?”

He glanced up at the rest of the gang, who all seemed to find either the floor or the ceiling particularly fascinating in that moment.

“Why the hell does it say Justin is my common-law husband?”

“I don’t know.”

“This is bullshit. Wait.” Brian shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense. Common-law marriage is after living together for, what, 7 years?”

“Well, you’ve been together for over a decade, Brian.”

“Have not.”

Emmett rolled his eyes. “Whatever. _Technically_ , it’s been 7 years.” He swallowed and looked away as he rushed out the next words. “It looks like someone got word of it because you and Justin made _The Advocate_ ’s top ten gay married couples.”

Justin entered at that exact moment and stopped short, taking in the three scared looks from Cynthia, Ted, and Michael. He glanced at Emmett, who waved at him nervously, and then settled on Brian’s extremely annoyed face. “What’s going on?”

Brian shrugged. “Apparently, you’re now my common-law husband.”

Justin looked taken aback. “What?”

Emmett hedged. “It’s just online. I mean… you know.”

Brian glanced at him. “Uh-huh. And the top ten gay married couples?”

Justin opened his mouth to speak but closed it promptly, staring at Brian helplessly.

Brian bent to the computer, fingers tapping something out. After a moment of reading, he scowled. “What the fuck.”

“What?” Emmett asked.

He glanced up at Justin. “How is it that your stupid Wiki-whatever page says ‘boyfriend‘?”

Justin shrugged. “I told her to change it. To change them both.”

Everyone froze at that, staring from Brian to Justin.

“You knew about this.”

“Molly thought it would be fun to change our pages there.”

Brian’s head fell. “I’m going to kill her.” He looked up at Justin. “Why haven’t I heard of this Wiki-whatever it is?”

Justin snorted. “Because you could care less about that kind of shit.”

“I swear this is Molly’s idea of a joke.” Brian glared at Justin. “I mean, common-law husband?”

“Maybe she didn’t want to give us away before we went official?”

Ted felt like his head was going to explode. What - was - he was having a stroke. That was it.

He glanced at Cynthia, whose mouth had fallen open. Michael looked ready to puke, and Emmett was standing there with a twinkle growing in his eye.

“Partners, Justin. We decided on going with partners, remember?”

“I know.”

“So what’s up with the common-law/boyfriend crap? If that was what she was going to do, she should have left it at husband.”

Justin stood in front of Brian, his hands skimming over his arms to his shoulders and squeezing gently. “You’re the one who didn’t want the PR department to handle it.”

Brian sighed, hands coming to rest on Justin’s waist, and leaned his head down, touching Justin‘s forehead with his. “Precisely for this reason. I didn’t want anyone to know before we’d at least told your Mom and Debbie.” He closed his eyes. “Fuck. Debbie is going to kill us.”

“I told you not to let me tell Molly.”

Brian pulled back. “You’re the one that had to tell someone before you exploded. She’s the only one of the whole lot who can keep a fucking secret!”

Justin smiled at him. “So much for that plan.” Brian’s mouth twitched and he grinned up at him. “It’s about time we told them, anyway. I think six months is long enough.”

Brian smiled. “It was nice, though.”

Justin laughed, kissing his mouth quickly. “Yes, it was.”

“Okay, we should get the rest of the group together tonight. Dinner at Deb’s, maybe?”

Justin nodded. “Whatever you say, _dear._ ”

“Fuck off, Sunshine.”

Justin smiled at him, kissing him across his cheek and down to his chin. “I can tell her to change it.”

Brian sighed. “Fine. But tell her to change yours, too, damn it.”

They turned to look at the frozen, shocked expressions in the room… except for Emmett, who looked like he was going to burst into a crying fit any minute.

Brian scowled at them, biting out an expletive. He’d forgotten about them. He looked at each pointedly. “Yeah. We got married. Anyone have a problem with that?”

“Holy shit.” Michael shook his head, a smile playing on his lips.

Cynthia nodded. “I knew it would happen.”

Emmett clapped his hands. “Oh, sweeties!”

Ted cried out, “What the hell, you assholes?!”

Brian smirked down at Justin as the room burst into a thousand questions, cursing, and Ted‘s insistence that he was going to fucking quit if they pulled something like that again.

“You were right. This is going to be fun…”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback loved and appreciated! <3 You can leave some here or at  
> [LJ](http://freakykat.livejournal.com/91166.html?mode=reply#add_comment).


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